Dear Claire

I just recently lost my dad. I have a hard time coping with his loss.  He was 88 and died of heart failure.  His memories always linger.  I find myself crying inconsolably at times. I have no motivation and I find myself lost.  Can you please give me some advice on how to cope with the loss of my dad.

Anonymous

Dear Claire

   I’m a mom of 3 adult children.  My oldest daughter is 49, My other daughter is 45 and my son is 40.  My children have good jobs and make very good money.  The problem is that my 45 yr old daughter, who is single and has 2 children of her own, is constantly asking my husband and I for money.  She always seems to be in turmoil when it comes to her finances.  We try to be good parents and have always helped her with the children and financially.   However her finances never seem to change.  This is putting a strain on our marriage and our own finances.  I want to be a good mom and help her but my husband said that she’s old enough and needs to take responsibility for herself.  Any advice. Turmoil

Dear Anonymous,

For starters, I want to give you my condolence for your loss.  Losing a parent is one of the hardest losses that we can endure.  Being close to your parents either one or both, makes the loss even worse.  Our parents are our first love so their love is so cherished throughout our lives.  The loss of my mom was extremely hard as is yours.  I could never bare the thought of losing her but it happened and the pain was excruciating and so I understand all that your going through.  Everyone copes with death differently.  For the most part at the beginning of your loss, you feel as though your in a fog.  You can’t grasp what happened.  It seems surreal.  After a while, you start to realize that they’re not coming back.  Stay strong.  Hold on to those memories you had with him and know that in spirit he will never leave you and is now in peace.  Although its never enough, he had a long life and be grateful for the time God has given you with him.  Speak to people that endure the same loss as you.  That’s very helpful.  Know that your dad would want you to stay strong and to go about your life.  He would not like to see you destroy your life because of his death.  Try to cultivate a life for yourself.  If you have a family, make sure not to neglect them due to your loss.  You want to give that same love to your family as your dad gave to you so they to will be able to cherish it as you do.  Know that you will have bouts of tears and it’s okay but always pick yourself up so that you don’t fall in deep despair.  When you think about all those wonderful memories with your dad, know that no one could ever take them away from you.  You’re in my Prayers. God bless

Dear Anonymous,

Being a mom is sometimes like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. As a mom, you want to always help to make sure that your child and grandchildren are always doing well and that’s understandable. But in this case, I must agree with your husband. If she’s making a significant amount of money, then there’s no excuse for her to be in financial turmoil. She needs learn how to budget her money and perhaps downsize. I don’t know her living situation but sometimes people live beyond their means and that may be one of the factors she may need to address. If she has any habits that are costly, that too can be a contributing factor. She needs to set her priorities. I suggest you and your husband sit down and have an open and honest discussion with her and express your feelings about this situation. Tell her the truth and know that it does not make you bad parents. Explain to her that if God for bid you and your husband are not around anymore to help her, then what does she do? She really needs to get her finances together. She’s an adult and there’s no excuse for that. Unless there’s something going on you know nothing about. You need to set her straight now or this will be a repetitive cycle because she knows that she can always rely on you. Good Luck.

Dear Claire

I just recently lost my dad. I have a hard time coping with his loss.  He was 88 and died of heart failure.  His memories always linger.  I find myself crying inconsolably at times. I have no motivation and I find myself lost.  Can you please give me some advice on how to cope with the loss of my dad.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

For starters, I want to give you my condolence for your loss.  Losing a parent is one of the hardest losses that we can endure.  Being close to your parents either one or both, makes the loss even worse.  Our parents are our first love so their love is so cherished throughout our lives.  The loss of my mom was extremely hard as is yours.  I could never bare the thought of losing her but it happened and the pain was excruciating and so I understand all that your going through.  Everyone copes with death differently.  For the most part at the beginning of your loss, you feel as though your in a fog.  You can’t grasp what happened.  It seems surreal.  After a while, you start to realize that they’re not coming back.  Stay strong.  Hold on to those memories you had with him and know that in spirit he will never leave you and is now in peace.  Although its never enough, he had a long life and be grateful for the time God has given you with him.  Speak to people that endure the same loss as you.  That’s very helpful.  Know that your dad would want you to stay strong and to go about your life.  He would not like to see you destroy your life because of his death.  Try to cultivate a life for yourself.  If you have a family, make sure not to neglect them due to your loss.  You want to give that same love to your family as your dad gave to you so they to will be able to cherish it as you do.  Know that you will have bouts of tears and it’s okay but always pick yourself up so that you don’t fall in deep despair.  When you think about all those wonderful memories with your dad, know that no one could ever take them away from you.  You’re in my Prayers. God bless

Dear Claire

   I’m a mom of 3 adult children.  My oldest daughter is 49, My other daughter is 45 and my son is 40.  My children have good jobs and make very good money.  The problem is that my 45 yr old daughter, who is single and has 2 children of her own, is constantly asking my husband and I for money.  She always seems to be in turmoil when it comes to her finances.  We try to be good parents and have always helped her with the children and financially.   However her finances never seem to change.  This is putting a strain on our marriage and our own finances.  I want to be a good mom and help her but my husband said that she’s old enough and needs to take responsibility for herself.  Any advice. Turmoil

Dear Anonymous,

Being a mom is sometimes like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. As a mom, you want to always help to make sure that your child and grandchildren are always doing well and that’s understandable. But in this case, I must agree with your husband. If she’s making a significant amount of money, then there’s no excuse for her to be in financial turmoil. She needs learn how to budget her money and perhaps downsize. I don’t know her living situation but sometimes people live beyond their means and that may be one of the factors she may need to address. If she has any habits that are costly, that too can be a contributing factor. She needs to set her priorities. I suggest you and your husband sit down and have an open and honest discussion with her and express your feelings about this situation. Tell her the truth and know that it does not make you bad parents. Explain to her that if God for bid you and your husband are not around anymore to help her, then what does she do? She really needs to get her finances together. She’s an adult and there’s no excuse for that. Unless there’s something going on you know nothing about. You need to set her straight now or this will be a repetitive cycle because she knows that she can always rely on you. Good Luck.